Thursday, April 17, 2008

TAH: Post-Op 3 weeks today . . .

Hey, that's what all the "sisters" say on the "Hyster-Sister" website. . . That's how you are identified, summed up, figured out and explained. . .

TAH stands for "total abdominal hysterectomy". I still don't know quite how to feel--even reading the name. You see, I agonized, as rarely I have before, whether to have this done to me. I had to trust other people (who sometimes weren't all that convincing) that it was the right thing to do. You say I have to have my uterus, cervix, ovaries, etc. out? Why can't I keep my ovaries? I hear that I need them until I die . . .who is telling the truth?

Okay, I forget--it doesn't really matter anymore--they are gone. The house I grew my babies in is gone. The almond-seed-sized laboratories of my libido are gone. All I have left are hopeful words, both spoken and written, that everything will be okay.

Right now, my "swelly-belly" is burning, sensitive to both pajamas and sheets. But I feel okay. I actually feel good. Tired, but better than I imagined. I am sick of "Lifetime" movies--but still look forward to the "Golden Girls" and "Will and Grace" and all the laughter I know that comes with them. I have a love-hate relationship with the TV. Books, my past salvation, are curiously harder to read and enjoy. I take photos of birds--I love birds--from my bed. Terry leaves birdseed out on the deck to draw them in. Jared bought me a book so that I can begin to know their names. I love waiting and watching for them. They have been my salvation.

I love prayer. Earnest prayer. And I love and am thankful for blessings. Blessings really do come true.

Did I tell you I have a "nanny"? I do, and Kelsey watches over me and little Campbell until Nana gets strong enough to watch him all by herself. What a guilty pleasure.

6 comments:

  1. Hi Mom! Yay!!!! I'm so happy that you did this. Reading it was everything I knew it would be. . .

    I'm sorry I haven't been there for your long hours of recovery.

    I love you.

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  2. Thank you sweetheart. . .no apologies necessary--the times you were here (with your babies) were like emotional "food storage" their giggles, make-up forays, hugs and kisses--lasted until the next visit.

    I love your hugs. I am so proud of you. I saw your "E. Photos" for the first time today--beautiful! Beautiful! And you made me cry with your tribute! I must have done something right!

    Momma

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  3. Darling: I loved your initial blog. It was raw, insightful, full of angst and obviously true to your experience and your thoughts. Oh, and did I say, “incredibly well written.” If I didn’t, I should have. I love you and I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. However, I disagree with you about your little libido "laboratories." I still see signs of the sass in your walk (although a little hunched over). Libido also has its origins in the brain, the heart and your amazing imagination. You will get through this, my Beloved. Please let me help any way that I can.

    Love Amongst the Magpies, Bluejays, Grandbabies and Poodle-Look-alikes,

    T

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  4. Hey Kim! Thank you for sharing 'Nana's Diary'. I totally loved relaxing tonight, listening to your music, reading your thoughts. You inspire me! Who knows, maybe I'll start a blog one day; I'll let you know. Love ya, Nancy

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  5. This is a great post. Glad I know ya!

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  6. Kim,
    I hope this is a great new wave of sharing about ourselves. You inspire so many!!
    You are the wonderful glue in our family!

    ReplyDelete

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